Not to be harsh but...too many adverbs. Bogs it down and takes it out of the moment. And you can't use the term most importantly twice in a paragraph. By definition most is superlative, there can't be 2 things that are most. Getting rid of this wordiness will create more immediacy. Read The Siren. Keep writing.
The Siren was awesome! I devoured the whole series in days and can't wait for The Mistress. Thanks for the recommendation. I love the authors style, witty, with realistic, loveable characters, exactly what I'm going for. Thanks again.
Not harsh at all. I'm brand new at this and honestly appreciate any advice *googles superlative*..... The Siren is now on my reading list and thank you, I will :)
Not to be harsh but...too many adverbs. Bogs it down and takes it out of the moment. And you can't use the term most importantly twice in a paragraph. By definition most is superlative, there can't be 2 things that are most. Getting rid of this wordiness will create more immediacy. Read The Siren. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteThe Siren was awesome! I devoured the whole series in days and can't wait for The Mistress. Thanks for the recommendation. I love the authors style, witty, with realistic, loveable characters, exactly what I'm going for. Thanks again.
DeleteNot harsh at all. I'm brand new at this and honestly appreciate any advice *googles superlative*.....
ReplyDeleteThe Siren is now on my reading list and thank you, I will :)